I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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