so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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