i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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