and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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