I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
