2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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