While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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