I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
