I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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