why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
