god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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