Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
