I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
