i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
