Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Even my vagina gasped.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
