Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
