There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
