i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need to sanitize my soul.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize