the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
