So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
