I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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