I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
