I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Actions speak louder than pants.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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