check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
