we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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