Im at strip club and am horny
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
