hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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