He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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