So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
