I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
