I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
