my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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