What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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