so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
