2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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