also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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