you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
