So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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