I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
