I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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