My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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