i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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