Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
