My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
