u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
