I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How naked do you want me to be?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
