thus making me awesome and them whores
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
