were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
