I CAN MOONWALK!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
we should paint friendship bongs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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