I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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