I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
