So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
