A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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