I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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