a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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