Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
