I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
