I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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