4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So apparently I’m into choking now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
