Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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