Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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