I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
