Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
