I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
