Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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