redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
