How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
