Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
